Becoming Mommy 2.0
Losing weight after baby, has been more of an emotional challenge than physical. The time and energy it takes to get to my goals were my main set backs to get started. Come join my journey as I go from "thick" to trim (hopefully)...
A PIECE OF CAKE
Now in no way am I saying that thick girls are not healthy or in shape. I don't want to say I am fat, because there is so much negative association with that word. So instead I am going to call myself thick, because after all, I did have a baby, and there should be nothing negatively associated to gaining weight from pregnancy.
When I found out I was pregnant, one of the first thoughts that came into my head were "I hope I don't get huge". This might sound stupid to most of you but even though getting pregnant was pretty much a miracle, I have struggled with my body weight and self image since I was a child. I was always called the fat kid in class (even though looking back at my elementary school pictures, I was NOT fat at all, but kids can be mean). When my body started to change as a teen, I grew like all teens do, and it definitely leaned me out a bit. I became thinner, and found that when I was thinner, I was happier. I had more friends, had attention from boys (smh I know), and felt confident. Throughout high school, I now feel like I stayed in pretty good shape, but I remember back then that even at my thinnest, I wasn't happy with how I looked. I always wanted to be a size smaller no matter how small of a size I was actually wearing at the time.
My mom has always been pretty thin. We shared clothes for a while, but once I started gaining that "college 15" (really was college 30...) and her clothes didn't fit me, the comments started coming in. I remember my parents telling me that I shouldn't eat certain things, because they would make me "fat". Growing up in a Ukrainian household, it wasn't often that you would find things like KD in our pantry. When I became an adult and was able to eat what I wanted, because I was out with my friends without my parents hovering over me, or when I moved out for the first time, I found myself binging on things I wasn't "allowed" to eat as a kid. My obsession with food became so unhealthy, that I would always finish something I was eating, no matter how full I was. I was rarely active, other than paying for a gym membership for years and occasionally showing up a few times a season, I enjoyed doing nothing. My idea of relaxing didn't include going for a run or hitting the gym. Relaxing to me meant sitting on the couch, watching a movie and finishing a pizza, bowl of popcorn and two red bulls. Being in a relationship with someone that wasn't an active person really didn't help, We enabled each other to be lazy. His metabolism allowed him to eat like I did, if not more, and stay the same weight. I on the other hand could gain a couple pounds over the weekend just from sipping on Palm Bays and eating take out. I worked in the serving industry, until the early morning hours. I wouldn't just have one dinner, but would constantly snack all night on things like wings and fries on top of my dinner each night. I mean, the other girls would do it so why couldn't I? When we bought our first place, we ate out all the time. If we didn't order out, then we would grocery shop for things that were easy. I'll tell you right now, easy, is usually not healthy. At one point I was working 2-3 jobs, so I didn't want to spend two hours on dinner or meal prep for the week. It was easier to make some KD, and pick up breakfast from Tims on the way to one job, stop at McDonalds for lunch and grab something from my serving job in the evening. Looking back now, I was worn out and tired every single day. Slinging back a few Red Bulls and a couple coffees a day barely got me by. I thought I knew what being tired was then, but let me tell you... having a newborn really showed me that working those few jobs with six hours of sleep a night was a
piece of cake.